The Looney Ride
by supernerdy
Summary: As Wile E. Coyote, a failed experiment who escaped from the school, chases after the mini flock in hope of finally getting something to eat, you can't help but wonder what stupid plan the coyote will come up with next, and how the bird kids get away.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Looney Tunes or Maximum Ride. Never have, never will.**

"You know what? Max sucks. She just plain ol' sucks. And Fang too, I thought it through, and I officially decided the both suck. All of this is their fault, and the school's fault for being evil. And Mrs. Martinez's fault for supporting Max, and Jeb's for just being so darn Jeb-ish. Gawd, why did everyone have to start being jerks all at once! They all just suck." Nudge made a shriek of exasperation that only teenage girls can produce, and began throwing logs into the small campfire, as if telling them they sucked too.

"Nudge," Angel said, "if you get tired of the word 'suck' I can teach you some new swear words."

Iggy scowled in Angel's direction, but he couldn't stay annoyed at anyone long. Between Gazzy and Nudge there was enough anger going around, and now he was the oldest, the voice of reason. He had been in charge for five, safe, murderer-free days, and he already hated it.

"Can you believe Max?" Nudge continued. "Fang takes off and what does she do? She takes off after him! I'm sorry, but didn't Fang's letter say specifically **not** to do that? And now we're 'too young' and 'need some time away from running' and 'should take some time to be kids.' How the heck does being stranded out here, alone, without Max or Fang help us in any way? What if Angel's head exploded?" Nudge nodded importantly at the mind reader. "Angel, how does it feel to know that if your head exploded right now neither Max nor Fang would know about it and we wouldn't even be able to contact them to tell about it?"

Angel stared blankly back, and Gazzy eyed Nudge cautiously, as if her head had a better chance of exploding.

"Fine, I'll drop it. Iggy, where are we heading?"

"Well," He said, picking at a stick with his nails, "I realized recently I hated the Arctic and being under water. I don't know about you guys, but I'm done with cold, and I'm done with wet. It was the U.S. Government's fault we were there in the first place, so I'm feeling kind of done with America too."

Nudge's eyes were lighting up, and Angel, reading both their minds, looked doubtfully at them.

Iggy continued. "We're in New Mexico; old Mexico is just a short flight south of here. Let's just travel until we find some empty cave in a canyon and stay there."

"Really?" Gazzy asked, sounding skeptical.

"You have a better idea?"

"No, I like Mexico. It just seems that flying south for the winter is a little too cliché, even for us."

Much earlier, far to the south, similar plans were being made by a mister Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius. At Mexico's ITEX lab they were still experimenting with erasers. Sure, the new thing was robots, but the field just seemed too busy, no need for another lab to come up with another all new killing android. However, it had been a year since the lab had made a successful mutant, and they were becoming pessimistic.

The only mutant that had even survived to see its first birthday was Wile E. Coyote. The original eraser had been great, it could shape shift, it could kill… it just couldn't come up with the master plan, but it was great at following orders.

Wile E. had been an attempt at a smarter eraser, one that could give orders and be a leader. Well, really, he had been one of many attempts. The scientists tried all the different combinations of wolf DNA they could think of. It did not work. After that they tried fox DNA, which failed horribly (small children with pointed teeth, obsessed with catching mice.) Dog genes didn't work much better, and cats were a disaster.

Finally they gave coyote a try, and in the opinion of all the other labs, got incredibly lucky. The child was very clever, could turn into a gangly coyote at will, and was aging at a nice speed of around four time the human rate. He came up with ideas… maybe not the greatest ones, but he could still come up with them.

It all started going downhill when the cross breed was around five years old. He began to have trouble with his shape shifting. It was alright when he turned from human to wolf, but wolf to human was difficult and rarely worked properly.

A few years later he lost the ability entirely. For a coyote he appeared humanesque, and walked on his back legs, and could talk when he wanted, but was still a permanent coyote. As the other labs claimed they had known all along, he was not the miracle mutant. He spent most his time wandering the lab on all fours and would no longer respond to direct questions.

The scientists lost interest, and began to treat him as more of a pet. That was exactly what he wanted.

People no longer locked him in a cage, he had a dog bed. It was just a matter of waiting until someone left a door open and running through. Now he just wanted to find an unpopulated canyon with a nice, homey looking cave.

As he walked out the door of the lab (on two legs) he chuckled to himself.

"Genius. Sheer, unadulterated genius!"

_**Well, that's all folks!**_** For the first chapter any way.**

**Thank you for reading, and an even larger thank you goes to all reviewers!**


	2. Chapter 2

Wile E. Coyote was in front his cave with a rock in each hand. Whole, the rocks didn't look very edible, but Wile E. figured that maybe _smaller_ rocks would taste better, and was proceeding to fragment the rocks by smashing them together. To his great dismay, the end result still tasted remarkably like stone.

He was so hungry, a part of him longed for the IAMS dog food they had served back at the lab. But at least out here he was free to do what he wanted… which was apparently to eat rocks. He chucked the stones over the cliff ledge and watched them fall into the river with a splash.

_What was that?_ There were still splashes in the water, and the rocks had landed long ago. Something was splashing around in the water, something alive. There were four of them, and they looked like humans.

The coyote licked his lips, and pulled out his cell phone, speed dialing the Acme Corporation. It was his favorite company, the only one that would deliver to a coyote in the middle of the desert. They had everything—anvils, dynamite, exploding tennis balls—everything except food, that is.

Wile E. told the salesman the product numbers for all the items he wanted, said to put them all on his bill, and hung up. He only had to wait a moment before an airplane flew overhead and dropped the items by parachute.

The river ran through the valley of a small canyon, and it was across the top of this canyon that the coyote placed a plank of wood. He took his newly purchased generator and plugged an extension cord into it, then a microwave into the extension cord. The Plan: walk across to the middle of the plank, drop the microwave into the water (while keeping hold of the generator,) wait for electricity to take its course, and then go and gather dinner.

Contraption in hand, he walked out to the middle of the plank, and was standing there, ready to drop the microwave, when he looked down. One of the children, a blonde boy, was flying. Wings could complicate things. Somehow Gazzy failed to notice the coyote, even though he came close to him.

"Cannon ball!" He shouted, tucking in his wings and hurtling toward the river. The splash flew up and drenched Wile E., his generator, and the microwave. Even the flock noticed the resulting zapping noise, and looked up to see the charred coyote desperately trying the squelch the flame on his own tale. He hopped about desperately, succeeding only in setting the plank on fire, which caused the wood to break beneath him.

He hit the ground (of course, the ground. He always misses the river) with a loud crunch. Suspicious (and rightly so) Nudge and Angel hurriedly backed into their cave.

A second smashing sound shook the ground as the microwave landed on top of the coyote, and even louder noise as the generator joined the heap. The coyote's tail, despite the fall, was somehow still on fire.

Extension cord tangled about his leg, Wile E. ran madly towards the water, jumping in and sighing with relief as his tail was extinguished. He then caught sight of Gazzy and Iggy, who were standing on the opposite bank, the non-blind one eyeing him curiously. They were covered in dirt and (if the swim in the river did not count) had not showered in days, but they were still the most edible things the coyote had smelled in a long time.

He took off towards them, but had not swum more than a few feet when the microwave attached to the extension cord was pulled in with him. A puff of smoke went up into the air, and coughing, the flock members shut the cave door.

Slightly singed, Wile E. Coyote swam back to shore and started the walk home.

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